A ManDog Movie

The other night, MomDad came home from their Date Night and told me about this Giant TV Show (mom sez: it's actually a movie) that's coming out that's all about Chihuahuas like me! There's like millions of Chi's in this show and the hero even looks like me. See:


Now, clearly, my tail is much handsomer than that guy's (Mom calls it my curly-que-piggy-tail!) and I'm a little lighter in color but mostly we look kinda alike, don't you think?

I want to watch this show but it's only going to be showing at the Giant TV Show Store or something (mom sez: movie theater!). I don't like to go there because they don't have sofas and I only like to watch TV while on a sofa. So that's out. MomDad say that they'll bring home the show for me to watch in a year or so when it comes out on DeeVeeDee or something. Here's what it looks like when I'm getting ready to watch a show:
I'm waiting for some popcorn. I like that. It's my favorite. Nobody can watch a show without popcorn. I'm still waiting...

On the "Go"

Well.

I pretty much Go all the time now. Going is one of my favorite things to do. Here is how to properly Go in my house:

1. Watch MomDad very closely through one eye as you rest with the other eye closed. See if they start moving more quickly and gathering things like jackets, purses, water bottles and especially those jingly thingies by the garage door. OH! When they grab those jinglies that's when you know that Going is soon to follow!

2. If you see all that, wake your other eye up (the one that was closed and resting), jump off the couch (or sleeping place of your choice), run to the edge of the carpet just in front of the garage door and sit like a Very Good Boy.

3. Use your very best MomDad Can I Go Stare with your eyes and try to look Pathetic with the rest of your body. (I can't tell you how. It just comes naturally to me.)

4. If MomDad start talking to you in a friendly way be very careful. It could be a trick. They could be saying you're a Good Boy just for Sitting there like that but they may still not let you Go with them. That's pretty bad trickery and they think they're being Nice must mostly it's Cruel and Mean to do that.

5. Now this is when you should watch Mom very carefully. When Mom cocks her head just so and bats her eyelashes at Dad saying things that sound like begging (listen hard for something that starts with P and ends in Lease), that's a Very Good Sign! Keep it up. Maybe throw in a little Prance in a circle and then Sit back down like a Good Boy again! Or saunter over to Dad and nudge him lovingly, reminding him that you are his Favorite ManDog and then go back to that Sitting thing again.

6. At this point, they will probably be heading towards the door, cramming their bodies in the small "hallway" in front of the door. When you hear or see one of their hands on the handle, THAT'S THE TIME! STAY PUT! DO NOT BE A BADBOY! Stay Sitting and do not be a BadBoy! Just wait. It's out of your paws now...

7. If MomDad say something like, "Okay!" or "Let's Go!" or whatever your MomDad say to release you from your VeryGoodBoy Sitting pose (I have good schooling), then take off like a bat out of hell and race under their feet and into the garage. Be Very Fast in case they change their minds at the last minute.

8. Throughout all of this, if you have an Annoying Little Sister bouncing and trouncing around you the whole time, ignore her. Just pretend she doesn't exist. Tell her to back off if she is crowding you but don't be too Mean as to make MomDad get Mad and make you stay at home to work it out with your Little Sister. Ignore. Best advice I can give you.

So, like I said, I pretty much Go all the time now. Like for instance I Go'ed twice this week. It never really matters where you're Going To, as long as you get to Go. Staying in the car is OK but usually it is best is there are Snacks (aka "That" - I'll post more about That another time) to scavenge from the Front Seat. MomDad put a big barrier between the Front and Back Seats of our car and I don't care much for jumping cause of my sensative armpits so I don't even try to get past it. But Scarlett does. I saw her do it just the other day when we Go'ed. First she sneaked her little sneaker body over by Mom's seatbelt and got to her over her shoulder. Did that to Dad too while he was hanging out with us once in the parking lot (that was the OTHER time I Go'ed last week). But then as we were driving home, Scarlett just jumped right into that barrier thingie and climbed over it (after looking pathetically at Mom for help) and into Mom's lap! I couldn't believe it! The nerve of that crazy dog!

Speaking of HER, do you want to know what she's doing right this minute? Well. She has this HAUUUGE basket full of all her stupid toys in the living room where MomDad removed the coffee table just so she (and maybe me too) could have more room to Play. Well, right now she is climbing into that basket and pulling ALL of her stupid toys out one by one. She pulls one out, takes it a little ways away, shakes it then drops it and trollops back to the basket to repeat the whole shenannigin. How lame. I am lying here on the couch as Mom types up my dictation watching Scarlett Very Closely to see if she gets out any toys that I might want to play with or steal from her or whatever. Oooo! Look!! She's got BigBird! Gotta Go!!!!.......

At GrandpaDave's Farm and Resort

Scarlett and I are spending a couple weeks at GrandpaDave's while MomDad are on a much-needed vacation. GrandpaDave helped me write this blog post:

I’m Top Dog — at least in the house. Xena and Bear are way taller than me and G-Pa Dave says something about them weighing over 100 pounds each — BUT in the house I think I am the Alfredo Dog. G-Pa Dave calls me that —- I think —- he says it really fast and I don’t understand it real good. It is something like Alfabet Dog, Alfred Dog, Alfredo Dog, Alfa Dog — I don’t know but I like the sound of Alf redo Dog. That is kinda like being a hero all the time I think with all other dogs having to take orders from me. Real Cool! I wish I could be Alfredo Dog at home but mom says dad is the Alfredo Dog there.
Here at G-Pa Daves I have to break up fights. One of the cats is always picking a fight with Scarlet. She is innocent of all these incidents of course. She is just walking along most of the time real fast and a cat just gets in her way and then the cat cusses/spits at her and sometimes slaps her so she needs to defend herself. She carry’s her teeth concealed so she show them her teeth and cusses back at them real loud (that is when I wake up and realize my help is needed). Then the cat tries to get away and we have to chase it all over the house to punish it for cussing at Scarlet or touching her or what ever. I saw Lacy run faster than I thought any cat could run the first night we were here. It had to do something about who was top of the Foo Chair or Chain, or something like that: cats or dogs and Lacy slapped Scarlet because Scarlet thought it was dogs. Then Lacy tried to run away because she didn’t want to hear the truth and Scarlet had to chase her. I caught up with them in the bathroom where Lacy and Bob were held up in what G-Pa Dave calls ‘Bobs Fort’. Scarlet and Me could only cuss at them and they cussed/spit back — you know how cats do.
It is so much fun exploring G-Pa Daves yard — it is so BIG. Something like 3 acers or akers or something but it has all this really cool things to discover like turkey poo, old bones that Xena and Bear have hidden, bird feathers (kinda taste like furry chicken), and and —- the wild dogs!! There are these wild dogs that G-Pa Dave keeps telling us about. I must scare them off because we don’t ever see them. G-Pa Dave says they live outside the yard fence and if we (Scarlet, not me) go outside the fence they will kill and eat us. I don’t think so — not me of course– I can scare squirrels and cats and other dogs so these so called wild dogs wouldn’t be a match for me — I am a sophisticated city dog and have seen karate on TV when Dad is watching Super Ninja Competition or some. Anyway we all scared these so called wild dogs the other night. G-Pa Dave, Carol, Scarlet, Ophelia and me went out on the deck after dark and all 5 of us howled. We really scared those wild coyote dogs I guess because I still haven’t seen one — maybe they recognized my voice and ran.
Did I mention there is bird poop in the yard just laying there FREE for the tasting– turkey, guinea, and peacock. Scarlet and I tasted a lot of it the first evening we were here. We got sick and threw up.
I get to patrol the yard with the big dogs and bark and back them up when they bark at something. It is so much fun.
The squirrels in Highlands Ranch must have told the squirrels out here that I was coming because they all must have ran away. I can’t find any to discipline. There is something called a skun or skunk that G-Pa Dave talks about sometime. I think it is like a squirrel but it can’t climb trees or fences— it should be easier to catch. I can’t wait to chase one.
Well I gotta go — it is time to bark at the peacock — he likes to stand at the glass door and admire himself in the reflection. I don’t think he should do that.

Later,

Alfredo Dog — DOBBY

---------------a little while later--------------

I AM SO EMBARRESED! It is ALPHA DOG, NOT alfredo dog.
Geeze—

Dobby

I'm a HERO

Since I last posted, both Scarlett and I and the girls and Brudder had birfdays. I turned 5. Scarlett turned 1. The girls are now 12 and Brudder is 4. Whew.

Mom planted something called Catnip outside and every once in a while brings in these green leaves that smell awful to me but the kitties seem to like to sniff, roll around and eat them. It makes them crazy though. Makes them run around and play with their toys and look and act all goofy and stuff. Then they get all lovey-dovey with Mom and rub up on her and mew and stuff. It's weird. I think it's drugs. I just say no to that kind of stuff.

Every two weeks some people come to my house with rags and a scary SuckyMonster (vacuum) and then Mom takes me and Scarlett and keeps us locked up with her in the purple bedroom while these people roam around our house and talk and laugh and stuff. Then an hour or so later we get to come out and sniff around and everything's clean and sparkly and we're not allowed to mess stuff up and Scarlett's not allowed to take all of her toys out again until Mom forgets all about it later in the night or the next day. I'm telling you this because right now these people are here and I'm used to it. I just lie on the bed and half sleep/half stay alert to what's happening on the other side of the door. Scarlett runs around the room whining and carrying on, especially when those people are out there talking nice and sweet to Brudder then she gets jealous and really wants out there because she thinks she's cuter than Brudder and probably they would like to pet her and talk to her that way instead. Silly Scarlett.

Last weekend we got to go to GrandpaDave's house and explore and run around on his property. He has many acres and birds and a giant bird called an Emu and three goats. Mom took Scarlett and me to see the goats but they looked kind of skiddish to me so I stayed far away from them. Scarlett wanted to be close to Mom (always!) so she risked it and was closer to the goats. THey were fine though. Didn't hurt either one of them. Then we went back inside where GrandpaDave has kitties of his own in there and we're not allowed in the basement unless MomDad take us down there because there's yummy cat food which I love and tootsie rolls in sand down there too. Scarlett was exploring one of the kitties and I guess got too close like I did one time...that kitty scratched Scarlett on her eyelid and even made her bleed! I ran up when I heard the commotion and separated the two of them because that's my job and she's my little sister, even though she's super annoying most of the time. I made that kitty run off and then made sure Mom came to care of Scarlett's bleeding. I was a HERO. I do that a lot at home when our own kitties get into fights and stuff. HERO. That's me!

I'm Famous!

Check me out! I don't know how she found me but she did and now I have my very own limerick!!!
Thank you, Karen Jo and kitties all around!

I hurted my back recently. I don't remember how but I've been wobbling around with my tail tucked under for several days and MomDad took me to the ManDogDoctor yesterday. She poked on my back and it hurt in one place and made me yelp in pain. So she sent me home with medicine that mom sneaks into cheese and I pretend not to notice. It just makes me sleepy. I'm supposed to take it for four more days and then see how I feel. RIght now I feel crummy (except for the exciting news up above!) so mostly I just lay around and sleep. MomDad are taking great care of me. Scarlett doesn't understand why I won't play with her right now. I did try to play Tug with her earlier today to save Mom from getting her arm ripped off (she was playing with Scarlett on my behalf) but it hurted my back too much so I went back to sleep in my cave bed.

I'll let you know how I'm doing in a couple more days. Thanks for the limerick!

Confession

Hi.

Sorry it's been so terribly long since I last posted here. I have a confession to make that might help you understand why I haven't been blogging.

As you know, my Mom is real sick. I guess it's not the kind of sickness that goes away after you take some nasty medicines from the babydoctor either because she's been sick for many months. And she goes and gets medicines every week or so and then comes home and feels crummy for a long time. She doesn't have a lot of energy most of the time so she can't take me to the dog park or for walks or very much of anything most days. Usually, we just lay around together and I try to guard the front door from intruders that might want to come in.

So my confession is this...Mom types my blog entries for me. Because...well...truth be told...I cannot type. I don't know how. My fingers don't spread apart enough to press the buttons right. So I have my mom type while I dictate what I want her to say on my behalf. And we all just pretend that it came from me anyway. It's always been a nice arrangement until lately when Mom just doesn't feel good enough to type for me. I can understand that. It's not like she doesn't get out at all. She's not bedridden all the time or anything. Sometimes she and Dad go out to dinner or shopping. In fact, a couple weeks ago, MomDad loaded me and Scarlett in the car and we drove all the way to Santa Fe for a few days! That was so much fun! And then MomDad had to stay at the hospital overnight one night so we got to stay at the Dog Hotel at Petsmart! That was fun!

Anyway, since Mom has to maintain her own blog on an almost daily basis, she doesn't have a lot of energy left to take pictures and help me type my own blog. We'll try very hard to do it more often though...maybe Dad could help out, too. I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted here! Jeeesh! Sorry about that.

So keep checking back. Eventually I can tell you all about my adventures chasing squirrels in the back yard and stuff. Take care!

Diaries

I'm not ashamed to admit it: I do keep a diary. But it's not sappy or stupid. It's a totally ManDogly account of my daily life and my favorite things that happen in it. Check out one of my most recent entires:

8:00 a.m.--Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 a.m.-- A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am.-- A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 a.m.--got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 p.m.--Lunch ! My favorite thing!
1:00 p.m.-- Played in the Yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 p.m.-- Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 p.m.-- Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 p.m.--got to play ball ! My favorite thing!
8:00 p.m.-- Wow!! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 p.m. Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Well today as I was rummaging through some stuff that I found, I discovered a page from another diary. It looks like a cat wrote it. I think it's Brudder's handwriting! Looksee:

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!! there was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow---but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released-- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. the bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now......

P.S. These are not really from my house. I gotted them from a email I gotted today from a friend. Sorry but I thought it would be funny to put on my blog today.